I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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