He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
