Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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