Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
