Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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