Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
