Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
