Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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