So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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