I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
