you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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