You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
