Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
