The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
