They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
