just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
