like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
