he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
