i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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