I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
