i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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