he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
