Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
