my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
jump out the window naked night went bad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
