Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
