sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
