I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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