i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
