I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
