he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
