she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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