a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
