did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
