At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
