is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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