He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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