epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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