i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
