your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
