Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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