We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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