When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
