ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
