I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
