This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
