Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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