We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
