Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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