After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
