I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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