ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
